Aggressive Passivity

My entire life, I have been known as that “laid back guy”. Easy going…quiet…observant. I like being that guy. But over the last couple of years, I’ve learned a lot about myself. One of the biggest discoveries has been something very subtle, but deadly. I allowed a passive nature to hide behind my easy going personality. In a very ironic way, that passivity aggressively took me in directions I never desired to go.

If I were to plant a garden in my yard, there are three ways that I could treat it. I could give it daily care, feeding it, watering it, weeding it, putting up fencing to protect it from critters, being proactive to give the plants everything they needed for health and produce. You would praise me for my care and dedication. The second treatment would be a full on attack. I could stomp on it, dump poison it, never water it, let the critters have at it…and you’d consider me an evil farmer. But there’s a third way that is so much more subtle, yet just as insidious. I could neglect it by doing little or nothing, letting the weeds grow, not giving it water, ignoring it, hoping it would turn out okay…you’d say, “Bless his heart, he just doesn’t have a green thumb”.

I allowed a passivity to lurk beneath my surface and it aggressively cultivated a life I didn’t want, while I hoped that it would all turn out okay. I have learned that if I am not intentional and deliberate in living out the life I desire, the life my family needs, and the life that God created me for, then it won’t happen on its own. I’m done with the mediocre garden.

I don’t want to just be known as that laid back guy. But rather, I’m that laid back guy who is on a mission.

Testimony Life Resources

Testimony Life Resources is the company that I am working for in southern California. After some intense work the last couple weeks, the new website is live. Go check it out at…

http://http://testimonyliferesources.com

Spiritual Straightjacket

Here is something I read this morning. Don’t know about you, but it’s a good reminder for me…

“Do you take notes during talks and underline when you read; do you already practice a rigorous spiritual regimen? Before you dutifully lengthen your list of spiritual duties, back off. Do you need more habits – or more effective ones? Do you need to weigh yourself down further – or bring your heavy load to Jesus?

I fear that for too many believers, spiritual discipline turns into a straitjacket experience filled with requirements that squeeze the vitality and spontaneity and adventure right out of faith and life. For these people, Christ no longer brings freedom. Religion becomes a heavy burden. Most people can’t live that way for long. Some of those who really work at it develop such a self-righteous attitude that everyone wishes they would fail.”

June Gloom

Before moving to Southern California a few weeks ago, I assumed that the sun always shines here. What we found was that our first few days were cloudy. After a few days, it would be overcast til noon with a sun break during midday. It wasn’t long before the locals began to educate us on the weather phenomena known in these parts as “June Gloom”.

As the desert side of the mountains begin to heat up in the early summer, the coastal waters haven’t quite caught up. What results is basically a fog which hangs over this southern tip of Orange County as the warm air and cool air mingle. It produces some gloominess, but its the result of the warm sunny days that are setting in. Yet true to form, we focus on the gloom.

As I get older and get to see more life experiences in the rear view mirror, I can see a parallel between my spiritual life and June Gloom. Often times, I feel consumed by gloom, darkness, uncertainty and fear. In hindsight, I am able to see that many of these stretches precede personal spiritual growth and breakthrough. God is at work in my life. The dry ground is heating up, yet my coastal waters are still cool…and the fog sets in.

I seldom realize that God is at work when its not obvious. Just as the hidden sun is what is ultimately leading to the “gloom”, I’m challenged to contemplate a thought. How much is God’s intimacy in my life leading to the gloom before the sunshine?

The Injustice of God?

Over the course of this entire school year, I’ve had a unique opportunity on Wednesday mornings. Every week at 7am, I’ve been meeting in the band room at the middle school for an hour with a group of students. The students aren’t required to come, its simply available for them if they choose to. The purpose has been to have an ongoing conversation about life and spiritual things.

The school gave each student a planner at the beginning of the year. Each week in that planner contains a word or ideal that is a key component to having good character….like honesty, loyalty, perseverance, etc. Each week I have taken that word or character trait and we’ve talked about what it means in everyday life. Then we take that word and dig into it from a biblical perspective to see what God has to say about it.

This morning was our last Wednesday morning for the year and the word was ‘Justice’. As usual, I asked the kids to define the word for me and to give examples of it in life. They did a good job with it….bottom line for them was that it means to give or receive punishment that fits the crime.

So then I asked them if God is just. Without hesitation someone answered ‘yes’. I went on to ask if God is always just. I waited for a response then one kid spoke up. Here’s basically what he said… “Well, yeah, God is just because He always does what is right. But He doesn’t always give us what we deserve. So I guess that sometimes God is unjust. But its a good injustice. When God shows injustice its not a bad thing its a good thing.”

Wow. I think we may have a budding theologian in the middle school. The vocabulary this student used would make a lot of church people cringe and start muttering about heresy. However, what that boy said was absolute truth. Without realizing it, he had defined another word…Grace. The Bible says that we have all sinned and fall short of the the perfect standard of God. It also says that what we deserve because of our lack of perfection is spiritual death. However, God is willing to not give us what we deserve (that’s unjust) and offer us forgiveness through a Savior (that’s grace).

Our lack of perfection separates us from God. In that state of separation we deserve death. And yet God offers another way if we will trust Him through Jesus. If we choose that way, then we don’t receive what we deserve. Remember that justice is getting what you deserve.

I, for one, am thankful for the injustice of God.

He’s Not Finished With Me Yet

Do you have moments…days…stretches when you just can’t help but wonder if God is there?…or working?…or well, you know. For me it typically happens when there is something or somethings that just aren’t coming together. There have been so many things like that involved in our last couple of months. As we get to within a week of our move, there are still more loose ends than I am comfortable with. And they are not small things either…not to us anyway. We still have two cats at our house that aren’t going to California. We still have a Suburban for sale that isn’t going to California. We still don’t have a house secured to move into when WE get to California. I’m not even going to mention the scary stuff.

As I’ve wrestled with these things and wondered why they aren’t coming together, I am constantly remembering that this isn’t about whether God is there…or working…or on our side…or well, you know. The Bible tells us that He will not leave us or forsake us. The Bible is full of examples of God always being at work whether we can see it or not (quite often coming through at what seems like the last minute). The question isn’t about how close is He to me and my current situation, but rather, how close am I to Him?

When someone calls and asks if we still have the Suburban, my outlook suddenly gets pretty sweet. When the person never calls back, let’s just say I get a little grumbly. When I think the cats have been adopted, I’m thanking God for taking care of the little things. When I still hear the cats running around the house in the middle of the night, I’m wondering if God just doesn’t care. When it looks like the perfect house becomes available in California, I’m walking around with a spring in my step because I serve a God with “cattle on a thousand hills”. When I’m a week away from leaving the roof that has covered us for the last ten years without another roof to move under, I’m asking God if I am that far off of His path.

As I bounce up and down and side to side with emotion and fear, its a reminder to me that He’s not finished with me yet. When it comes right down to it, I know I’m on His path. I know He is good. I have nothing to fear. Once again, I am being taught that my security is based on His face and His presence…not on His hand. I will seek His face and not His hand, because God’s not finished with me yet.

Last Word

The last word is powerful. Many of us do and say whatever is necessary to ensure that we get the last word. Whether its an argument in which we want to win or just a friendly debate. For some, they just love to talk so much, that getting the last word comes naturally. I’ve got a friend that I have fairly regular texting conversations with. The last wrd has evn bcum imp in txtg. If my friend manages to send one last snippet of text, and I have nothing left worth saying, I will simply text back “Word”. That way, I get it.

You read the Bible, and you’ll find some powerful last words. Whether its a patriarch of Israel on his deathbed, or the Apostle Paul writing one last letter to a church from a prison cell, the last words possess gravity. When a person knows that they are limited on what they can say, they will make sure that what they say is really worth it. Many of us have sat by a loved ones bed in their last days and tried to memorize the last things that person said. Up to now, I’ve not been in a situation before where I was needing to deliver some last word. But…

In early March, I resigned from my position as the pastor at our church. We’ll be departing the island in early June. For the next three Sundays, I’ll be delivering my last words to Anchor. Anything I have to say doesn’t come close to comparing with an Old Testament Patriarch or an early church Apostle. However, these next three messages aren’t just three messages either. I’m pretty sure that Jacob prayed that God would make his last words to his family the right words. Without doubt, the Holy Spirit was breathing out the last words of Paul as he wrote to a church that he loved.

For the next three weeks, I’m going to be speaking my last words to a little church that I love. I pray that He will breathe His words through me.

Ignorance Was Bliss

“Ignorance is bliss”…a worn out cliche, but an old saying that has some truth to it. We often think of this in terms of laughing something off or trying not to take something too seriously. But I’m finding it playing itself out in my life for real lately.

Have you ever thought about what it may have been like for Adam and Eve way back when? According to Genesis, they began their existence in paradise…absolute perfection…just as God had intended all things to be. They were living the high life. They would have no life experiences that would educate them on the “hard knocks of life”. A perfect life is all they knew.

Then it happened. Imperfection entered the human experience. The first humans were first deceived and then chose to disregard God and His command. They ate from that tree even though God told them not to. From that moment on, they would live in paradise lost. From that moment on, they would live in the same fallen and imperfect world that you and I live.

Now here’s the part that really gets me about all that. This fallen world is all I’ve ever known. Its the only kind of world I’ve ever experienced. I can only imagine what an absolutely perfect paradise may look, feel, smell, and sound like. But Adam and Eve had now experienced both. They were now stuck in the imperfect having a clear memory of what it was like “in the good old days”. Can you imagine what kind of struggle that would cause you? How you would beat yourself up knowing full well what you had forfeited? I suspect that the remainder of their days on earth had at least a shadow of torture mixed in because they were no longer ignorant of “the other side”. They knew, by experience, both perfection and depravity.

As I said before, all I have ever known is this hurting world we live in. But I’ve recently experienced something kind of opposite from what the first humans did. Through some major mistakes in my life…through some bad choices…through some pain…through God’s intervention…through some serious personal examination and work…I have a glimpse of another way.

For forty years I lived my life according to what I believed was my reality. What I have learned is that much of that so called reality was based on lies. Lies that I had convinced myself were true. In my ignorance, I was unaware of what possibilities may lie on the other side. In my ignorance, I didn’t fully realize how fallen my fallen world really was. Ignorance was bliss.

However, now, I’ve seen what is possible in my life. My next forty years don’t have to look like, feel like, sound like, or turn out like my first forty. I am able to see how different my relationship with God can be. I am able to see how incredible my relationship with my wife can be. I can see how strong my role as a dad can be. I can see how every area of my life can be transformed.

And yet…its not…not yet.  I still find myself thinking according to those old ways. I still react according to those tired old lies. I still do the very things I don’t want to do. The difference is that today it bothers me. It bothers me because I know there’s another way of living. I know that new and different things are possible. I can see them. I can taste them. Ignorance was bliss.

But I’m going to keep letting God move my dirt. Its hurting, but He can keep striking the hoe to my heart. I’m going to the other side and when I get there, I’ll know for the first time what bliss really is.

The Water is Coming to Life

Its obvious that I haven’t written anything here for quite some time now. Its been one of the tougher stretches of my life over the last several months. For many reasons and on multiple levels, I needed to step back from this blog (amongst other things) and not bother with it. As April comes into its fullness this year, as always, the ocean around here begins to come alive again after a long dark winter. You begin to see small bug-like creatures swimming. Underwater plant life begins to bloom. The annual return of the herring ushers in the strange mixture of weather. The whales follow the herring. Not only does this place begin to look different this time of year, but it begins to smell different too. You see signs of life…but even more, you begin to smell signs of life. You can sense the new life without being able to fully see it.

At the young age of 40, it seems that I am seeing the April of my life coming into its fullness. After a long dark winter, the waters within me and around me, are coming to life. Not unlike what we find happening around our town, much of what I am sensing comes more from what I can “smell” going on as opposed to what I can actually see. Regardless, I am glad. There is joy…peace…hope…and anticipation.

As a person, I am coming to life in a way in which I have never before experienced. Its time to cultivate.

One of Those Days

I don’t know what it was like for anyone else. But I’ve just got to say that this morning, as our church family gathered together, it was one of those days. Not “one of those days” in a negative way. It was, for me, an awesome and sweet time of fellowship and worship of our Lord. If you were there, I’m thankful that I got to experience that with you. If you weren’t there, we missed you.